Learning Times Two.

I've done a lot of learning between the last post and this one. It all started in the realization of what my last post stated- this realization that it is not about what I want. It is all about who He is. And let me tell you, my entire time of worship changed completely when I started worshiping who He is.

A couple Friday's ago I went to the Mill and in worship I found myself completely abandoned in worship. I couldn't get enough of just putting my emotions and myself aside and loving the God who saved me. This song spoke right into my heart, the chorus simply said: "Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah God you saved me." And as I sang those words my heart matched them, and I started laughing because I felt genuine joy I hadn't felt in so long. How incredible it is when I take my eyes off of myself. He is worthy.

I think sin sometimes does keep us from hearing God's voice. It places a wall between us and God where He simply can't reach because we've allowed it to take the place of Him. Isaiah 59:2 says "It's your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore."

That's kind of harsh, I feel.

But as I dissected this verse and understood that it wasn't because God was "mean", but because there is no way God can reach us if we continue to live in sin. And usually we don't need to confront God and ask God what our sins are, we can usually identify in ourselves our sin.

I realized mine was (is) pride. I have been trying to figure out my life by myself for so long. I wanted to fix myself and be someone better than who I was, but I didn't involve God in it at all. I didn't realize how focused on myself I became. "In his pride the wicked does not seek Him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God." - Psalm 10:4. Of course God can't get to me, in all my thoughts there is no room for Himself.

From my pride, too, stemmed my desire to be perfect. I noticed when I would be cleaning the lobby at Taco Bell and every night I would walk away so disappointed. I would be like, "Ugh. I could've done so much better..." And I started forming task lists and being so cautious in everything I did because at the end of the day I felt accomplished when it got all done. But my God times would always get pushed aside or shortened because this task list kept running through my mind.

I'm still definitely working on these things, because I am content in my task lists, honestly.

I was reading 1 Samuel 28:1-7 the other day and it says "He inquired of the Lord, but the Lord did not answer Him." Now, in context, Saul was one of God's anointed ones (1 Sam 26:11) and yet he kept disobeying God. He had so much sin, maybe that's why God refused to answer him. Maybe His silence suggested "I will not go onto another matter in your life until we deal with this one." Saul here was in a sticky situation, He was praying to Him out of desperation. But God refused to answer. Maybe because God wanted to be wanted beyond being a last resort.

I am working on the sin in my life that may be keeping this wall between me and Him. In the meantime, He is worthy of my time and attention and admiration.