Girls.

Girls, girls, girls.
What are we doing when we wake up in the morning to dress ourselves?


Scenario A:
Girl 1: "I feel like all he wants me for is my body. He just wants to be physical with me all the time."
Girl 2: "Oh my gosh, you deserve so much better. I can't believe he would do that!"
*Cue light bulb and sense of empowerment in Girl 1's head*
-I should feel hurt, he is such a jerk. I deserve so much better. Ugh, I can't believe him.

Okay, okay, stop. I could write another blog on the way girls support each other for no reason and then we just feel empowered by that, but this one is about clothing choices.

The guy could be a legitimate jerk here. However, we've got to start examining ourselves before we put guys in the "tool bag" category.

We usually attract what we are.

We complain that we're being seen as a "piece of meat" and not being noticed for our personality. Then we wear shorts so short that we might as well just be wearing underwear, dresses that could double as shirts, and shirts so tight our boobs spill out easily. And my favorite, putting our money and cell phones between our boobs. Convenient...

Our personality is kind of hidden because our clothing choices, or lack there of.

We want guys to fight for us.
Pursue us.

Most of us don't want to be "easy".
But what is there to pursue when you lay it all out there?

And if you want the in-the-moment relationship, then dress whatever way you want. You will be fulfilled for the moment and probably hurt in the long run.

I realize there's a lot more underlying than this. We want affirmation that we're loved, and wanted. It's more subconscious than anything. We feel wanted when we're physical with a guy. But I promise there are more ways to feel wanted, and it will be more rewarding. It just won't be so immediate. Patience, ladies. Be hard to get. And stop giving yourself excuses.

I'm just calling us girls to a higher standard. Woman up, dress like you have something to offer beyond your body. Honor your future husband by not having men pant over you (learn to get your affirmation from somewhere else). Respect yourself enough to realize you should be treated better, but you need to examine why you're not.

I'm tired of putting this all on the guys, although they can be jerks, stop being ignorant of what you're parading around.


You can blame the media all you want for the misconception of beauty, but ultimately it is our choice what kind of guys we want to attract.

Thoughts + song.

Life has been so good.

God has been confirming these things over and over again that I need to let go. I feel like a week ago was the first time in 5 months I've ever been confident in his voice, speaking to me something very specific. And it was to let something go. Haha. It seems like even though everything should be falling apart, everything is completely falling together, because I have seen over and over again my small prayers answered these couple days. It's been crazy. I'll write about that later...
But here's a song I wrote today about what I've been struggling with the last few months and what I felt was God's reply. For so long I had been telling him, "God. I can't understand you." And then it clicked it me that being unfathomable is what makes God, God. And although it sucks sometimes, it makes me want Him all the more. So here it is. (I wish I could just have a video but my microphone isn't working. Sorry!)


Incomprehensible

How long has it been
My distant friend
Since I’ve heard your voice?

Is it in the wind?
Or in the rain?
Just a few words would suffice.

I’m tired of hearing
But not really knowing
Who you are.

I want to know who you are.

I know you’re Alpha, Omega, Messiah, Redeemer,
But Father, Lover, giver of good things.
I don’t understand.
I know you’re fully powerful, omniscient and wise
But for your Holiness to gaze into my eyes
And say I love you
I don’t understand.

Now the rain’s coming in
And I can’t pretend
I’m not lonely

Have you built a disguise
As a test for my life?
Or are you still with me?

I want to behold
And really know
That you love me

God, do you love me?

And you say to me:
I’m incomprehensible.
Unfathomable
Beyond your understanding
I’ve been nearer
And so much clearer than your box has put me in.
And I love you, want to know you,
But first you’ve got to know to give up your control
So that you’ll know

That I’m Alpha, Omega, Messiah, Redeemer
And Father, Lover, Giver of all good things.
Your life is in my hands
And I’m fully powerful, omniscient and wise
My holiness longs to gaze in your eyes.
And proclaim my Bride as mine.

I love you.

New Chapter.

I feel like I'm starting a new chapter in my life.

I feel like God is nearer as I just put myself aside and worship God for who He is. I'm not confident in His voice still, and His love still makes no sense to me. But I've been learning so much about Him and myself.

Recently, God's been doing a lot of stretching my comfort zone. I've had to wrestle with a lot of things and in tears give it up to God. A lot of that has been recent. Such as: my pride, my desire to be perfect, my insecurities, my want to just be someone great instead of someone great in ordinary circumstances. (there's more than this list, but those are my very generic things. ;) )

And I think He's taking all of these things away not because He just decided it was the right time, I think a couple months ago would've been a good time, too. The difference is that I'm letting Him do it. I think He's wanted to do it for a long time but I simply wouldn't give Him control, because everything was so comfortable to me. But I never felt peace about anything. I'm giving up control of my life because I realize I can't do anything apart from Him. And I had no idea how painful giving up would be.

I wrote in my journal tonight, "I have such a broken peace about life. Broken, in the way that I want to curl up in a ball and cry. And I have been, a lot. But peace in the way that through tears I find that I'm right where God wants me to be. I know I'm going to be okay. And I'm joyful in knowing that all the things I've given up are for the better and God is going to use me through my pain. I can't explain how I just know this is where God wants me, but I just feel okay letting it all go."

I'm still working on giving everything up. It's not so sudden as just "I'm giving it up!" And then it's no problem anymore. It is a problem. And it takes a huge effort on my part to actually rid of these things, I'm sure I'll be working for a long time. But I am working on it. And God is working in me.

And I know I'm right where I should be.

Purity.

I wanted to write a blog about Job, but this has really been on my heart the last few days.

I've recently had such a desire to be pure. In my thoughts, in my motives, in my actions, in my speech. I want God to be honored through what I think and do. And more than that, I want my future husband to be honored through my actions now.

We live in such a sex-saturated world that it's almost hard to be pure. We wear purity rings on our fingers and then go sleep around. I know friends who have gotten pregnant, who, years before would have said "I won't have sex until my wedding night." It's sad, but everywhere on the media screams sex is no big deal.

I've been realizing how much chick flicks are like pornography for women. I'm not kidding when I say I'm addicted. When I go to redbox, I immediately go to the romance section and pick whichever one I hadn't seen already. I haven't seen a non-chick flick in awhile. Yeah, I know, it's pathetic. But I love the idea of romance. I love looking through bridal magazines and wedding photography to look at dresses and such. But it's giving me such a false perception of what romance really is. I don't want to expect anything like what I've seen in a chick flick to interfere with my next relationship.

And the pornography industry? Every second 28,258 users are viewing pornography. 47% of CHRISTIANS say pornography is a major problem in the home. The U.S. has 89% of all porn websites in the world. There was an atheist group at a college who encouraged people to bring in their Bibles in exchange for porn. (http://www.familysafemedia.com/pornography_statistics.html)

...Seriously? Most men have had some sort of struggle with pornography. (Correct me, men, if I'm wrong) which hurts me. One of my fears for when I'm married is being a disappointment to my husband. Just like I may have a false perception of romance, I'm so afraid he will have a false perception of what I should look like.

"If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for very good work. Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts."
-1 Timothy 2:21-22.

I want to live beyond living in the moment.
I want to be used by the Maker to do very good work because of my pure heart.
I want to honor my future husband.