I haven't blogged in awhile- I've had an interesting past month. I could write a lot of blogs- on this new book I'm reading which is a debate between Freud and C.S. Lewis (which is so interesting), or on my frustration with the Christian "bubble" (especially on the topic of dating), or on logic vs. emotions (which I've struggled a lot with lately.) I may write on all of them at one point, but I think I'll talk about logic vs. emotions for right now.
I've had a very intersting time trying to discern between logic and emotion recently. I want to know what's truth, what's absolute, what I believe without a doubt, and then all of my stupid emotions. I have had such a hard time balancing them out. Then I started asking questions such as; "why do I feel things that aren't logical?" Such as, love. And so I studied it. Specifically, the love of God and why the heck he would choose to love such an imperfect people. Here's what I found:
(from my journal):
I have found myself recently desiring to discover God logically. I see people who love God, but then can't explain to people why. Their love for God is merely a feeling- but the feeling has no proof to explain it. And feelings are fleeting, but logic is not. Then I started wondering, "Why does God love humans? Why did Perfection choose imperfection to lavish His love upon? If He is completely self-sufficient, then creating humans was a want, a dersire, and I have to wonder 'WHY'?" Are our feelings blind? Is our love because we get the "warm fuzzies" when we worship? Why would God choose to love people like that, who can love Him one day and hate Him the next?
God could choose to have angels only- who would always worship Him, who would never turn their back on Him. If God created us to worship Him, then I figure God must be dissapointed; and angels would do the job much better than us. So then I asked myself, Did God create us to worship Him? If not, what did he create us for? If He just wanted someone to worship Him, then why would he choose to create a people who would deliberately turn their back on Him ALL the time?
From Adam and Eve, who completely disobeyed God even in paradise, to Abraham, to Noah, to all the people in the Old Testament, they all screawed up. So why did God continue time and time again to love these people who constantly turn their back on Him? And then ultimately send His Son as a sacrifice- the biggest display of underserving love? He could make us all love Him- but He chose to give us all free will. Why?!
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
And then I wonder, should it make sense? Should we accept His love as a gift, and not try to make sense of it? I know God is logical, and made us in His image to be logical, so why would He create two contridicting things? (Someone logical, but at the same time someone who loves, but when the love isn't logical, isn't it contridicting?)
I am still thinking, but I think angels will never fulfill God because since He Himself IS love, He wanted an object to lavish that love upon. Angels would never feel His love. So God wanted a people in His own image- since He has emotions- so do we. And we can shoose to give love back to Him, or not.
I can try to make sense of God's love all I want, but I never will. It DOESN'T make sense, ultimately, and I don't know if He intended it to. It is a gift that humans can't logically figure out. We must feel it. We must experience it. No- he doesn't need us. He is self-sufficient. For whatever reason, though, He does love us.
Emotions distinguish us from the angels, from the animals, from anything else He created. Therefore, I think emotions are the ultimate gift to God- it is something we can bring to Him that nothing else can. maybe that is why Love is the greatest commandment- loving God and loving people. Emotions connect our heart to God more than logic ever will, since we're created in the image of Him who feels. When we feel Him and His love, our hearts come alive because He intended it to.
Logic is important- I don't think God wants us to follow Him because of the "warm fuzzies" we experience. But it is ultimately love that will change our hearts. no logic could make us love Him. It points us toward it- but it is not love itself. I don't think God created us to worship Him, He has angels for that. He created us for love, and worship comes out of a place of love. I am confident He loves my weak love, even in all of its flaws.
No, I don't understand it.
