How He Loves : A Song Story from john mark mcmillan on Vimeo.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Choices vs. Heredity.
I view my life a little like a game of Texas Hold 'em. (And yes, I did just start playing this game. ;) )
I was given cards I have to deal with. They may not be fantastic, but complaining to the dealer to give me new cards is useless. I can make the most out of the cards I have.
These are the cards I was dealt, and I can choose to play them well or play them poorly.
I was reading some C.S. Lewis again yesterday (How many posts about C.S. Lewis will I have? We'll see...) And I came across this quote which resonated with my "Texas Hold 'em" thought.
"That is why Christians are told not to judge. We see only the results which a man's choices make out of his raw material. But God does not judge him on the raw material at all, but on what he has done with it. Most of the man's psychological makeup is probably due to his body: when his body dies all that will fall off him, and the real central man, the thing that chose, that made the best or the worst out of this material, will stand naked. All sorts of nice things which we thought our own, but which were really due to a good digestion, will fall off some of us: all sorts of nasty things which were due to complexes or bad health will fall off others. We shall then, for the first time, see every one as he really was. There will be surprises."
I found this interesting. There are things about me, and about us, that are merely hereditary. Such as; to begin with something simple, being skinny. Having a fast metabolism is not my choice- it is a blessing, for sure, but it was only a result of good genes. However, if I eat crap (which I often do), I am not honoring God any more than the 400 pound woman not as "blessed" as I. The only reason I regard myself as "better" is the way the world looks at me- being skinny signifies health. But it's possible I am just as unhealthy as the other woman who did not have the "skinny" gene. What will it matter at the end of our days when we face judgment? Who will have honored her temple more?
Or, another example of something more inward, my patience. Patience in my family runs in the blood- we can put up with a lot before we explode. And our "explosions" are minor, many people would hardly consider them "explosions" at all. Anger is not a characteristic of me at all, I can recall only a few times I have ever legitimately been angry. Sure, it has saved me many-a-stupid-decision or confrontation, but I think that's more convenient than really honoring God. While it may glorify God for me to hold my tongue and not become angry, it comes much more natural for me than the person who consciously holds his/her tongue when his/her natural inclination is to explode. I think that choice will honor God more than when I hold my tongue, because my decision to do so could hardly be considered as a decision at all.
Is it fair to have different standards for every individual person, considering every person has things they are naturally good or bad at? Or does God hold us to the same standard?
I don't know. But based on scripture such as Proverbs 21:2 and 1 Thessalonians 2:4 which tell us God judges the motives of our heart, and my understanding of a just God from the Bible, in my finite mind I could conclude God will judge us based on what we make out of the raw material rather than the raw material itself. (80)
I hardly believe that I will receive the "Well done, good and faithful servant" by simply maintaining my figure and exercising patience, because there was no effort involved, and I was born given these gifts. Surely, I can go against them and become fat and angry, but that would mostly likely be a conscious decision.
It is much more difficult for me to swallow my pride and shut up sometimes when I don't know something (Something that is not natural for me- I'd rather pretend I know something rather than just saying "I don't know.") And I find it much more likely that I will be judged for going against my "sin nature" that would want me to do that, and choose what is "good." Of course, that means we must define what is "good" and "bad" because without a standard we cannot be judged for anything.
I believe that as people who have free will, we pervert "good". But it must be fair to hold humans to a the same standard if there is an established principle of what "good" is, and for most people that is what morals are. If we are striving toward perfection, and as Christians we would call Him God, He is the standard of what good is and therefore we know which choices we make in order to become more like Him or less like Him.
I believe God established laws and principles for that reason, not to enforce nonsense rules but for us humans to hold ourselves to a standard of good. For the man who struggles with sexuality- God established the line so the man must choose to be driven by His nature or choose to honor God. The thing is, I think God knows who men and women we were meant to be before the fall, and now we have parts of us that are naturally more like Him or genetically not.
But we must remember that we are more naturally part of God's family and heredity, and the more we choose to give the parts of ourselves that are not naturally like Him, to Him, the more we become like Him.
I'd like to know your thoughts. I know mine are kind of jumbled.
I was given cards I have to deal with. They may not be fantastic, but complaining to the dealer to give me new cards is useless. I can make the most out of the cards I have.
These are the cards I was dealt, and I can choose to play them well or play them poorly.
I was reading some C.S. Lewis again yesterday (How many posts about C.S. Lewis will I have? We'll see...) And I came across this quote which resonated with my "Texas Hold 'em" thought.
"That is why Christians are told not to judge. We see only the results which a man's choices make out of his raw material. But God does not judge him on the raw material at all, but on what he has done with it. Most of the man's psychological makeup is probably due to his body: when his body dies all that will fall off him, and the real central man, the thing that chose, that made the best or the worst out of this material, will stand naked. All sorts of nice things which we thought our own, but which were really due to a good digestion, will fall off some of us: all sorts of nasty things which were due to complexes or bad health will fall off others. We shall then, for the first time, see every one as he really was. There will be surprises."
I found this interesting. There are things about me, and about us, that are merely hereditary. Such as; to begin with something simple, being skinny. Having a fast metabolism is not my choice- it is a blessing, for sure, but it was only a result of good genes. However, if I eat crap (which I often do), I am not honoring God any more than the 400 pound woman not as "blessed" as I. The only reason I regard myself as "better" is the way the world looks at me- being skinny signifies health. But it's possible I am just as unhealthy as the other woman who did not have the "skinny" gene. What will it matter at the end of our days when we face judgment? Who will have honored her temple more?
Or, another example of something more inward, my patience. Patience in my family runs in the blood- we can put up with a lot before we explode. And our "explosions" are minor, many people would hardly consider them "explosions" at all. Anger is not a characteristic of me at all, I can recall only a few times I have ever legitimately been angry. Sure, it has saved me many-a-stupid-decision or confrontation, but I think that's more convenient than really honoring God. While it may glorify God for me to hold my tongue and not become angry, it comes much more natural for me than the person who consciously holds his/her tongue when his/her natural inclination is to explode. I think that choice will honor God more than when I hold my tongue, because my decision to do so could hardly be considered as a decision at all.
Is it fair to have different standards for every individual person, considering every person has things they are naturally good or bad at? Or does God hold us to the same standard?
I don't know. But based on scripture such as Proverbs 21:2 and 1 Thessalonians 2:4 which tell us God judges the motives of our heart, and my understanding of a just God from the Bible, in my finite mind I could conclude God will judge us based on what we make out of the raw material rather than the raw material itself. (80)
I hardly believe that I will receive the "Well done, good and faithful servant" by simply maintaining my figure and exercising patience, because there was no effort involved, and I was born given these gifts. Surely, I can go against them and become fat and angry, but that would mostly likely be a conscious decision.
It is much more difficult for me to swallow my pride and shut up sometimes when I don't know something (Something that is not natural for me- I'd rather pretend I know something rather than just saying "I don't know.") And I find it much more likely that I will be judged for going against my "sin nature" that would want me to do that, and choose what is "good." Of course, that means we must define what is "good" and "bad" because without a standard we cannot be judged for anything.
I believe that as people who have free will, we pervert "good". But it must be fair to hold humans to a the same standard if there is an established principle of what "good" is, and for most people that is what morals are. If we are striving toward perfection, and as Christians we would call Him God, He is the standard of what good is and therefore we know which choices we make in order to become more like Him or less like Him.
I believe God established laws and principles for that reason, not to enforce nonsense rules but for us humans to hold ourselves to a standard of good. For the man who struggles with sexuality- God established the line so the man must choose to be driven by His nature or choose to honor God. The thing is, I think God knows who men and women we were meant to be before the fall, and now we have parts of us that are naturally more like Him or genetically not.
But we must remember that we are more naturally part of God's family and heredity, and the more we choose to give the parts of ourselves that are not naturally like Him, to Him, the more we become like Him.
I'd like to know your thoughts. I know mine are kind of jumbled.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
This blog's
White page keeps staring at me. Expecting me to type something profound.
Can I be honest with you?
I have nothing profound.
I have nothing but my small words and honesty- when oftentimes, all that amounts to is words on a page.
I am so okay with that.
I love that I am simple, honestly.
I resolve to honesty with myself.
With you.
I'm not perfect. I'm far from it, as most of my blog followers know.
Oftentimes I'm stubborn, emotional, vindictive, and very selfish.
But I have gifts God has given me and in the last little while I have been able to look at myself and really love and hate some of the parts I see. There are things about myself I will not sacrifice- they are part of me, they are who I am.
Allow me to be vulnerable. I'm learning a lot about myself. Give me some grace. I'm in a time in my life where everything will be changing, and everything already is. My actions reflect my heart. Confused, lonely, and unsure.
As much as I want my comfort, I've been absorbed in myself so much I didn't even notice and I'm sorry if I've hurt any of you.
But I will be changing myself.
I will be more caring, aware, loving, self-sacrificing.
I will be letting go of things and people that hinder me.
I will be less complacent and more disciplined.
I will resolve to know Christ, and if it comes with a price tag, I'm willing to let it hurt for awhile.
As I grow in godliness and maturity, maybe I will say something profound. And maybe I won't.
But the fruit of my life will reflect my heart.
Can I be honest with you?
I have nothing profound.
I have nothing but my small words and honesty- when oftentimes, all that amounts to is words on a page.
I am so okay with that.
I love that I am simple, honestly.
I resolve to honesty with myself.
With you.
I'm not perfect. I'm far from it, as most of my blog followers know.
Oftentimes I'm stubborn, emotional, vindictive, and very selfish.
But I have gifts God has given me and in the last little while I have been able to look at myself and really love and hate some of the parts I see. There are things about myself I will not sacrifice- they are part of me, they are who I am.
Allow me to be vulnerable. I'm learning a lot about myself. Give me some grace. I'm in a time in my life where everything will be changing, and everything already is. My actions reflect my heart. Confused, lonely, and unsure.
As much as I want my comfort, I've been absorbed in myself so much I didn't even notice and I'm sorry if I've hurt any of you.
But I will be changing myself.
I will be more caring, aware, loving, self-sacrificing.
I will be letting go of things and people that hinder me.
I will be less complacent and more disciplined.
I will resolve to know Christ, and if it comes with a price tag, I'm willing to let it hurt for awhile.
As I grow in godliness and maturity, maybe I will say something profound. And maybe I won't.
But the fruit of my life will reflect my heart.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Turning a New Leaf...
What an incredible night.
My boyfriend and I broke up tonight, which was not incredible. Quite credible, actually.
But it made me realize I do have the best friends who will ditch their plans to be with me when such things do happen. Sierra and Rachel, you are the best ever. And Ryan- thanks for talking to me about random things to keep my mind off of it.
I've spent the last while so upset because of how lonely I feel- one of the biggest insecurities I have. But I'd rather have few friends who I'm positive will be there for me on times like these to get some Ben & Jerry's and curl up to a movie with.
I'm going to be blogging more- most likely because I'll have more time on my hands, and because I want to write down the ways I'm growing or not. Now I'm off to Melissa's house, for "retail therapy and dinner". Haha. :) What a great life I have. I'm ready for the next part of it, and what God has called me to in this place.
This video continues to make me smile.
College Countdown: 45 days. :)
My boyfriend and I broke up tonight, which was not incredible. Quite credible, actually.
But it made me realize I do have the best friends who will ditch their plans to be with me when such things do happen. Sierra and Rachel, you are the best ever. And Ryan- thanks for talking to me about random things to keep my mind off of it.
I've spent the last while so upset because of how lonely I feel- one of the biggest insecurities I have. But I'd rather have few friends who I'm positive will be there for me on times like these to get some Ben & Jerry's and curl up to a movie with.
I'm going to be blogging more- most likely because I'll have more time on my hands, and because I want to write down the ways I'm growing or not. Now I'm off to Melissa's house, for "retail therapy and dinner". Haha. :) What a great life I have. I'm ready for the next part of it, and what God has called me to in this place.
This video continues to make me smile.
College Countdown: 45 days. :)
Sunday, June 19, 2011
En lo que venga...
Eres Dios, y soy tuyo. Soy tu hija, y eres mi amante.
Nunca quiero estar aparte de ti, para siempre voy a gritar soy tuya.
No quiero nada aparte de tu. En voz alta yo proclamo: En lo que venga, eres Dios y soy tu hija.
p.s., the biggest club at ORU is the Spanish Club. :) :)
Nunca quiero estar aparte de ti, para siempre voy a gritar soy tuya.
No quiero nada aparte de tu. En voz alta yo proclamo: En lo que venga, eres Dios y soy tu hija.
p.s., the biggest club at ORU is the Spanish Club. :) :)
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Back to Sunday School.
Here I am in McDonalds listening to Sufjan Stevens and reading Lee Strobel's Case for a Creator. It's a Grind closed at 9 so then I came here for the wifi. Haha. It's been a great afternoon of relaxing and contemplation.
For those of you who may not know who Lee Strobel is, he was an atheist who came to Christ through the logical pursuit of (mostly) biological studies- discovering it took more faith to not believe in intelligent design than to do so.
I found it interesting while reading Case for a Creator that the big turning point in Strobel's atheism was his wife's change in character. The first time he even thought about researching Christianity was his wife's change in behavior. At first he thought she was crazy, and even considered divorce.
Something I've been thinking about is how differently people act who are alive in Christ. Not just pretending and in turn doing good things... but people who really are in nature more kind, more gentle, etc. In my lack of the pursuit of Christ, I have seen myself digress in character- as much as I hate to admit it. I noticed, even today, at work my laziness and how entitled I felt to be so. (after all, Taco Bell for 2 years... who can really blame me? ;))How much more likely I am to slander stupid customers who make me mad, and even how much more likely I am to become angry at stupid things I never used to.
Even in this time of "tango" (Yeah... I'll think of a better word for it), I've seen the life of the Holy Spirit alive in people. The fruits of the Spirit really do exist... it's not just a mentality. Being in-tune with the Holy Spirit really does change you.
It's not that hard to believe that being with Jesus puts to death my flesh desires, and being alive in Him makes it easier to be like Him and not make stupid decisions. But on the opposite side of that, I never realized how much those fruits of the Spirit would slowly dissipate when I started pursuing things to make me feel better rather than Jesus. I have claimed my pride over the freedom that comes in Christ, wanting to "know it all myself because I have intellect, thank you very much." And in turn, sacrificed the fruits of the Spirit that came with knowing Him.
I re-read Galatians 5 today and felt convicted, and this blog particularly is very much me just "rambling" because there is a pull in my heart missing what I had, but more than that, missing the freedom that comes with knowing Christ.
And I thought that was just a "feel good Christian phrase". ;)
16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
Yes, I have free will to choose my decisions and choose to do "good things". But it's beyond "good things"- Becoming like Jesus comes with facility when we follow Christ and the Spirit is alive in us.
I can work out my salvation all I want with logical arguments, and nothing is wrong with that. Except there's a part of me that longs for more of a meaningful life in Christ, and a more meaningful life in general. I don't even want to "be good" to people, to be honest I don't really care about pleasing people that much. I'm not interested in living a "good Christian life." It's Christ I'm interested in. I care about living the life God intended for me, and I think that always is to have God's Spirit alive in me.
Still figuring it out. This sounds very basic, I know, fruits of the Spirit Sierra? Really? Haha. Back to Sunday School. I think this is where I need to restart. Back at the beginning.
For those of you who may not know who Lee Strobel is, he was an atheist who came to Christ through the logical pursuit of (mostly) biological studies- discovering it took more faith to not believe in intelligent design than to do so.
I found it interesting while reading Case for a Creator that the big turning point in Strobel's atheism was his wife's change in character. The first time he even thought about researching Christianity was his wife's change in behavior. At first he thought she was crazy, and even considered divorce.
Something I've been thinking about is how differently people act who are alive in Christ. Not just pretending and in turn doing good things... but people who really are in nature more kind, more gentle, etc. In my lack of the pursuit of Christ, I have seen myself digress in character- as much as I hate to admit it. I noticed, even today, at work my laziness and how entitled I felt to be so. (after all, Taco Bell for 2 years... who can really blame me? ;))How much more likely I am to slander stupid customers who make me mad, and even how much more likely I am to become angry at stupid things I never used to.
Even in this time of "tango" (Yeah... I'll think of a better word for it), I've seen the life of the Holy Spirit alive in people. The fruits of the Spirit really do exist... it's not just a mentality. Being in-tune with the Holy Spirit really does change you.
It's not that hard to believe that being with Jesus puts to death my flesh desires, and being alive in Him makes it easier to be like Him and not make stupid decisions. But on the opposite side of that, I never realized how much those fruits of the Spirit would slowly dissipate when I started pursuing things to make me feel better rather than Jesus. I have claimed my pride over the freedom that comes in Christ, wanting to "know it all myself because I have intellect, thank you very much." And in turn, sacrificed the fruits of the Spirit that came with knowing Him.
I re-read Galatians 5 today and felt convicted, and this blog particularly is very much me just "rambling" because there is a pull in my heart missing what I had, but more than that, missing the freedom that comes with knowing Christ.
And I thought that was just a "feel good Christian phrase". ;)
16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
Yes, I have free will to choose my decisions and choose to do "good things". But it's beyond "good things"- Becoming like Jesus comes with facility when we follow Christ and the Spirit is alive in us.
I can work out my salvation all I want with logical arguments, and nothing is wrong with that. Except there's a part of me that longs for more of a meaningful life in Christ, and a more meaningful life in general. I don't even want to "be good" to people, to be honest I don't really care about pleasing people that much. I'm not interested in living a "good Christian life." It's Christ I'm interested in. I care about living the life God intended for me, and I think that always is to have God's Spirit alive in me.
Still figuring it out. This sounds very basic, I know, fruits of the Spirit Sierra? Really? Haha. Back to Sunday School. I think this is where I need to restart. Back at the beginning.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
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