Back to Sunday School.

Here I am in McDonalds listening to Sufjan Stevens and reading Lee Strobel's Case for a Creator. It's a Grind closed at 9 so then I came here for the wifi. Haha. It's been a great afternoon of relaxing and contemplation.

For those of you who may not know who Lee Strobel is, he was an atheist who came to Christ through the logical pursuit of (mostly) biological studies- discovering it took more faith to not believe in intelligent design than to do so.

I found it interesting while reading Case for a Creator that the big turning point in Strobel's atheism was his wife's change in character. The first time he even thought about researching Christianity was his wife's change in behavior. At first he thought she was crazy, and even considered divorce.

Something I've been thinking about is how differently people act who are alive in Christ. Not just pretending and in turn doing good things... but people who really are in nature more kind, more gentle, etc. In my lack of the pursuit of Christ, I have seen myself digress in character- as much as I hate to admit it. I noticed, even today, at work my laziness and how entitled I felt to be so. (after all, Taco Bell for 2 years... who can really blame me? ;))How much more likely I am to slander stupid customers who make me mad, and even how much more likely I am to become angry at stupid things I never used to.

Even in this time of "tango" (Yeah... I'll think of a better word for it), I've seen the life of the Holy Spirit alive in people. The fruits of the Spirit really do exist... it's not just a mentality. Being in-tune with the Holy Spirit really does change you.

It's not that hard to believe that being with Jesus puts to death my flesh desires, and being alive in Him makes it easier to be like Him and not make stupid decisions. But on the opposite side of that, I never realized how much those fruits of the Spirit would slowly dissipate when I started pursuing things to make me feel better rather than Jesus. I have claimed my pride over the freedom that comes in Christ, wanting to "know it all myself because I have intellect, thank you very much." And in turn, sacrificed the fruits of the Spirit that came with knowing Him.

I re-read Galatians 5 today and felt convicted, and this blog particularly is very much me just "rambling" because there is a pull in my heart missing what I had, but more than that, missing the freedom that comes with knowing Christ.

And I thought that was just a "feel good Christian phrase". ;)

16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.


Yes, I have free will to choose my decisions and choose to do "good things". But it's beyond "good things"- Becoming like Jesus comes with facility when we follow Christ and the Spirit is alive in us.

I can work out my salvation all I want with logical arguments, and nothing is wrong with that. Except there's a part of me that longs for more of a meaningful life in Christ, and a more meaningful life in general. I don't even want to "be good" to people, to be honest I don't really care about pleasing people that much. I'm not interested in living a "good Christian life." It's Christ I'm interested in. I care about living the life God intended for me, and I think that always is to have God's Spirit alive in me.

Still figuring it out. This sounds very basic, I know, fruits of the Spirit Sierra? Really? Haha. Back to Sunday School. I think this is where I need to restart. Back at the beginning.